Accepting Differences

Life has been going on. It’s loud, fast, chaotic, and messy as always. Raising three boys, going to school, battling health issues, volunteering, teaching, presenting, etc. etc. Great things are taking place everyday, and not so great things are taking place, too.

Thankfully, I’ve gotten better at sorting things in my head. Phew. It took what, 40 years, but I am definitely feeling better about my sorting system.

 

Recently, I had experienced some rejections by people. They either lashed out at me, or suddenly pretended I did not exist. While I did my best to be open, honest, and fair, my approach was not well received.

For the past month, I have been pretty ill on and off. My body probably couldn’t handle all the stress in my life. Years ago, when I went through the ordeal of having my health completely crash, I faced it with such strength, no one could guess I was going through so much. I was proud of that. But this time, I was feeling pretty devastated.

Everything that was happening in my life was so heavy, and thoughts like, “What if I’m dying?” often flashed in my head. I am an active Mom, I am constantly on the move, but last weekend, I sat on my couch and didn’t do a thing. I didn’t have any will, energy, or desire to move. There was nothing for me to muster to get myself moving. I even thought, “It would be fine if I just died now…” It was not a pretty sight. Not only did I feel terrible about what I was going through, my body was also feeling the effects of everything.

As I sat on that couch I thought, “What happened to my strength?” I so badly needed to figure this out. I needed to pull myself together. And this wasn’t just about my health, but it was about finding peace in my heart, that was the tricky part.

I had to crash and burn a little bit, so I could find myself again, so that I could redirect my life to make it better. Little did I know, my strength was there all along. In fact, these negative things had to come my way so that I would be forced to dig deeper to find that strength. And every time I come to this type of fork on the road, I have to take a good look at myself before anything else. I know it all starts with me.

It was hard, and felt like someone punched me in the gut. I had to face all the mistakes I made, own them, and take actions to make them right. And I did. I also realized that I needed to let go, so I did that, too. Don’t give it another thought, let go, was the answer to some of my struggles.

Sometimes when people hurt you, it is hard to wish them well, but you gotta do it. The other night, I sent my loving prayer to them. I’ll admit, it didn’t come smoothly, but I did it. And I’ll be honest, I don’t know if it worked or not, but it was important that I did it.

Life is full of challenges, and the world is shared by all types of people. All of us equally have the right to exist, and be who we are. And as hard as it is, it is important to understand each other’s differences, and do our best to be kind and accepting. If we could try to see each other’s lives as deeply as we see our own, maybe it would be easier to do just that.

Customize Your Resolutions

New Year’s Resolutions. Every January  we hear/read about them, from someone, in an article, on a Facebook page, in our heads, etc. Everyone, at one point during the first week of January, gets pumped about it and say, “This is the year!!” 

-Eat better and lose weight. (I would bet this is the most popular one.)

-Spend less, save more.

-Travel.

-Don’t stress.

The thing is, when you set New Year’s Resolutions, you can’t just write them down vaguely, and expect the Universe to provide for you. It doesn’t work like that. In fact, you’ve just set yourself up for the 37th times because you didn’t specify your resolutions! This year, let’s not do that, and when I say this, I am also talking to myself.

Here are my tips and ideas on making sure this is your year of achieving all (Yes, I said all.) your resolutions, and ending the year with the bang! Let’s do this!

So, what happens when you write down your resolutions like a grocery list? It will excite you and tell you, “You got this!” (Insert image: fists in the air.)

I am not a doctor, so I don’t want to quote any medical findings, but I am guessing that the mixture of stepping into the new year, feeling of starting fresh, and the excitement of it all create some sort of chemical reactions in our brains. And those sneaky chemical reactions make us gleefully jot down the resolutions we failed to accomplish in the last decades. No shame. I am guessing it works like a sugar high. The reactions get us feeling so high, that we get overly excited, and a week later we crash.

Everything is going well the first couple of days of setting the resolutions, then, you binge eat from feeling stressed about spending too much over the Holidays, you reach for the leftover pizza in the middle of the night, you dig into your savings to buy something you’ve convinced yourself you needed, feel guilty and stressed from your impulse purchase, you stress-eat again, and boom, there goes the resolutions…

See how that snowballed? Resolutions? What resolutions??

How about this year, you customize the resolutions? I know myself better than anyone else, and therefore, I know what works and what doesn’t for me. If I simply followed everyone else’s (Who are failing just as miserably, mind you…), I am only setting myself up. And I also know listing them like a grocery list won’t work either.

What do the resolutions mean to you?

Yes, you want to lose weight, we all do, but what does it mean to you? Do you want to fit into your little black dress/favorite jeans? Do you want to feel healthy and have more energy? Do you want to feel good about yourself? Do you want to beat a disease? Do you want to be able to run around with your children/grandchildren? We might all have the same resolution, but the meaning they hold could be very different, and identifying them, I think, is very important.

What motivates YOU?

I love to write. I love to keep track of things by writing them down, and I love to write in my journal. I also love marking my calendar for different accomplishments, and seeing it full of marks at the end of the month. That makes me happy, and motivated. (I am okay that I just revealed my OCD with you all.) So, this year I bought a calendar book to write my goals down every week, and mark on. How do you like to keep track of yourself? What motivates you? What works for you?

Break them down and make them achievable.

Another suggestion is to make each of the resolutions more achievable by breaking them down. I’ll use weight loss as another example. Set small achievable goals for yourself within a resolution. Ex: Bring a big water bottle to work everyday and drink out of it. Have a no carb day once or twice a week. Go for a walk every Sunday morning.

Once you get used to those little steps, (Remember it takes 21 days to make something a habit.) build them up. Ex: Don’t drink anything sugary for the next two days. Go for a walk every Saturday and Sunday mornings.

Vidualize and get excited!

Think about how you would feel once you’ve accomplished your resolutions. Now close your eyes and imagine that moment. Think about the day you have accomplished them, and what that would be like. Get excited! What are you gonna do!? Imagine yoursefl smiling big with your fists in the air, feeling PROUD! It is not only important to imagine these things, but also to feel excited about them as if they are already happening! Do this every night as you lay in bed.

Take small steps, and don’t beat yourself up.

Okay, so you will probably binge eat once or twice this year after unforeseen circumstances that life will wrap up and gift you time to time. It’s okay. Just hop back onto that saddle! Don’t beat yourself up, breathe, and know that tomorrow is another day!

 

I hope these ideas will help you see and get to the light at the end of the tunnel. I hope this year, everyone reaches their goals and achieve their resolutions, dreams, hopes and wishes, whatever they be. (Make them positive and loving, of course.)

Oh and one last thing, don’t forget humor. We all need to laugh it out in life. If all else fails, just LOL because there is always next year!!

Happy New Year, everyone!!